BY MICHAEL OLOHAN
OF PASCACK PRESS/NORTHERN VALLEY PRESS
BERGEN COUNTY, N.J. –– A former police officer and private investigator who now serves as a school counselor and cyber-bullying consultant told more than 400 Bergen County law enforcement and education officials Oct. 19 that with new technologies available – the internet, smart phones, and phone apps – kids “are being handed the keys to the kingdom” without any training on how to properly use them.
Melissa Straub, director of Cyber Education at High Impact Youth Training Solutions, Paramus, addressed the 26th annual Statewide Narcotics Action Plan (SNAP) Conference at the Venetian in Garfield and told attendees “these children are being exposed and trained on technology from the moment they are born.”
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“They have this wonderful gift of technology that we have given them that they’re not being trained [on],” said Straub.
Straub, who has two daughters, a 9-year-old and 13-year-old, said her work helps to “bridge that gap” between social media and psychology and the schools, law enforcement, and parents related to technology, including issues such as social media, apps, and cyber-bullying.
Straub said on many sites and apps, “the kids get on, there’s no age verification. Who else is on there but creepy bad guys?
“They [kids] will face consequences that we didn’t have to face,” she said, adding that, “with just the click of a button” teens can access pornography and violent material.
Straub said with cellular phones and internet devices many kids “are facing true psychological issues, post-traumatic stress, anxiety, depression, constant connectivity–they do not know how to come down from the day.”
Straub said the average teen spends two hours and 20 minutes daily online and that 31 percent of teens share content they don’t want their parents to see.
“This is where the kids are going for their socialization. And guess what, we’re never going to know as much as they do. But we have to become aware,” Straub said.
Straub said kids are “not having normal conversations” with each other and use social media instead of actually talking to each other. Straub said during school presentations she emphasizes parents “need to be held accountable and responsible” for what their children are doing online.
Straub said the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Psychological Disorders will address internet-related addiction. Straub cited an internet phenomenon called the “Blue Whale Game” that encourages kids to do a 50-day challenge ending with a challenge to commit suicide.
“As schools and law enforcement, it is very important to work together and have that open relationship in being able to report these incidents,” Straub said.
Report bullying/bias incidents
“There should not be a fear of going to the police department and reporting these incidents. You should not feel as a school or school administrator that you don’t want that to necessarily be reported because of bad press or something like that,” Straub said.
Straub said texting, video-chatting and instant message group chats for kids are popular now, but kids must “understand the consequences of their actions,” especially for upper grades (middle school and high school) including language, possible “sexting” and sharing of “inappropriate pictures.”
Straub said she asks kids where their computer or laptop is located at home, if parents know their password, and whether parents walk in and monitor them.
“For 60 or 70 percent of kids, parents don’t know the password,” she said. “Computers (are) in the bedroom and they (parents) don’t come in and check on them.”
What do teens download?
“You have to be aware of what your kid is downloading,” Straub said.
“You don’t own the information you’re posting. You don’t control the privacy settings,” Straub warned.
She noted an app called “Yellow” (part of Snapchat) is “basically teen Tinder” that turns on locations services and kids know where other kids are located and they start talking to each other. (Tinder is an adult dating service app.)
Straub said there is “no recycle bin on the internet, no delete button” and that once content is sent, it is out there for anyone to access and use without a kid’s or parent’s control.
“Your information is really not private, you don’t own it…the minute you hit the send button…that picture, that video, that comment is out there, it’s out there forever,” she said.
“These kids are being exposed to violence, to sexual material…because pornography is one click away. It normalizes bad behavior, it’s literally giving them psychological issues and concerns,” she said.
Other presenters addressed the differences between harassment, intimidation and bullying and bias incidents, resources available for juveniles and bias, and investigating sexual assaults.
The Bergen County Prosecutor’s Office provided attendees a flash drive that included a 35-page school reference manual for responding to acts of violence and emergencies and a six-page 2017 county crime report.
Prior to Straub, County Prosecutor Gurbir S. Grewal said “Combatting Bias & HIB Incidents in Schools” was chosen as the focus “because over the last year or so [nationwide] we’ve seen an uptick in bias incidents and bias crimes.” He said “this rising tide of hate and intolerance” has also affected juveniles nationwide.
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He cited “troubling” incidents including a 12-year-old boy’s depiction of “a wall of truth” on a bathroom wall filled with swastikas; a 13-year old boy who wrote “abort all blacks, whites only, no Jews” on an outside school wall; another 14-year-old boy who drew a swastika and wrote “no Jews allowed”; four juveniles who made fun of another female classmate by throwing chains on a floor in front of her and telling her to pick them up using anti-Semitic taunts; and a recent scuffle at a library where a male student pushed a female student to the ground and called her the “n-word.”
“All across Bergen County…”
“There are so many examples…and these are by no means the most egregious,” said Grewal. “These are the ones I felt comfortable sharing in this room. Here’s the thing: these incidents didn’t take place in any other part of the country, they didn’t take place in any other part of this state, they took place all across Bergen County over the last school year.”
He said “these were just the incidents reported to us” and that “the issue is far more prevalent than is being reported.”
He said one study showed that one-third of adolescents reported some form of bias-based bullying in school. He said schools should report such information because “suicide is now the second leading cause of death for individuals between 15-24 years of age.”
Grewal urged all schools to report any incidents of bias-based bullying, even “incidents that don’t rise to the level of a crime.” He said “painting swastikas can quickly escalate to physical violence.”
He cited the recent case of alleged bullying that apparently led to Rockaway Township 12-year-old Mallory Grossman’s suicide.
“We don’t want that to happen in this county,” he said.
He said that “as someone who has personally experienced hate and intolerance first-hand,” combatting bias “is a deeply personal commitment.”
Grewal is the state’s first Sikh American prosecutor and an Indian-American.
What is taught at home
“We can’t control what is taught at homes or at dinner tables. But we can control how people are treated in public spaces, how they’re treated in schools. And all of us … can work together to teach tolerance and maintain safe learning environments free of bias,” Grewal said.
To provide a student’s perspective, Park Ridge High School junior Lewis Grosso spoke of his own experiences with bullying.
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Maureen Parenta, Bergen County Prosecutor Office’s communications director, said this year’s conference had “record-breaking attendance” that included officials from 73 public and private schools, and police chiefs, juvenile officers, and detectives from 55 of the county’s 70 local police departments.
Photos courtesy Bergen County Prosecutor’s Office (via Twitter)