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BY MICHAEL OLOHAN
OF NORTHERN VALLEY PRESS
CRESSKILL, N.J.—Approximately 100 parishioners from Cresskill’s St. Therese of Lisieux Parish attended the church’s first forum on the “sexual abuse crisis” roiling the Catholic Church, questioning the response of high-ranking church officials—including bishops and the pope—in dealing with the issue.
The forum was called “A Moment of Crisis…Sexual Abuse and Exploitation,” and billed as “an evening of open dialogue where you will have the opportunity to engage in conversation about the current sexual abuse crisis within our church and community.”
A similar information-sharing session also took place at St. John the Baptist’s Parish in Hillsdale recently. The sessions are part of the Archdiocese of Newark’s efforts to provide information about the sex abuse crisis.
On Sept. 6, New Jersey Attorney General Gurbir Grewal established a task force and a hotline to initiate a statewide investigation of allegations of sexual abuse by Catholic clergy. On Sept 18, he told reporters that the hotline was “ringing off the hook” for nearly two weeks with reports of abuse.
Grewal established the task force and hotline after a wide-ranging investigation in nearby Pennsylvania identified more than 1,000 sexual abuse victims from 300 priests over a 70-year period. The 24/7 toll-free hotline number is (855) 363-6548 to report abuse. Grewal said callers alleging current abuse receive top priority.
Lou Bivona, founder and chair of the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children in the northeast and Bivona Child Advocacy Center, told parishioners that he was sexually abused by a cousin from age 8 to 11.
“He scoped me out…and told me ‘I’m going to teach you how to be a man,’” he told the group.
Bivona said his abuser “groomed me for months” and when the abuse was discovered his cousin was removed from the home. He said his cousin had been previously abused by his father, an alcoholic.
Bivona said years later, when he was in his 50s, the same cousin called and said “he had been falsely accused” of abusing his 8-year-old stepson, who Bivona said had a strong resemblance to him.
“What it did to me was it destroyed me. I cowered, I couldn’t confront him…Here I was, this child advocate doing all this stuff, but I was a coward,” said Bivona, saying it took him five years in therapy to deal with the effects of the sexual abuse, many decades after it occurred.
Bivona provided a presentation that detailed a high rate of sexual abuse convictions as a result of his center’s efforts. He said 10 percent of boys and 20 percent of girls are sexually abused, or approximately 77 million Americans.
Bivona noted a correlation has been found between obesity and abuse. He said 55 percent of obese females and 33 percent of obese males were found to be abused, according to a study that asked them when they first had sexual relations. He said 77 percent of abuse derives from a family member.
Bivona cited statistics on sexual abuse, missing children, kids who run away from foster care and are then sexually abused or used by organized sex rings, and a lack of teenager social skills and empathy from too much social media, sexual objectification and violent pornography.
“The content is very depressing in all this stuff. What’s happening is this [exposure] is affecting their [teenagers’] health. They are becoming narcissistic and have no room for anything…It creates depression, anxiety. They are creating a whole generation of death, walking dead, with kids that cannot have normal relations,” warned Bivona.
About two dozen people had questions for Bivona, St. Therese Pastor Samuel Citero and Rev. Steve Carey of St. Mary’s, Dumont, to find out what actions were planned to end priestly sexual abuse and how the Catholic Church will prevent such abuses from ever occurring again.
Several times it was noted by Bivona, and a couple parishioners, that the Catholic Church and Catholics were not the only group—or religious order—suffering a sexual abuse scandal. Bivona attributed much of the negative attention to “liberal” media reporting anti-Catholic news.
Numerous questions and emotional statements—including one parishioner who revealed her story of childhood abuse by a family member—filled a nearly three-hour-long forum originally planned for 90 minutes.
Upset parishioners asked why former diocesan Archbishop Theodore E. McCarrick’s alleged abuse of minors and seminarians was not reported earlier, whether Pope Francis covered up or abetted priests who committed sexual abuse—as alleged by a Vatican insider—and how they can play a role in changing their church’s “culture” of sexual abuse and help it recover.
Following pleas from a few members for concrete actions they could take to make their voices heard or move Vatican church leaders to take stronger actions to end abuses and coverups, Bivona suggested another forum whereby only action steps are discussed.
One woman asked how adults should talk to children about possible sexual abuse and help prevent such abuse from occurring. She noted when Oprah Winfrey spoke about how she was sexually abused, it appeared to raise awareness. The woman said she almost missed the signs a child was being abused because she did not know “how to hear the victims.”
“The victim who told me simply said, ‘He bothers me,’ and my response was that he bothers me, too. The victim went on to tell other family members who also did not know—or pick up on the clues—that she was being abused by a babysitter,” said the parishioner.
Bivona pointed to handouts on the issue available at the forum. Pamphlets included “Sex Abuse: What Parents, Catechists, and Parish Catechetical Leaders Can Do and How to Talk To Children.”
He said, “Fortunately, today people are listening; teachers are listening. They’re mandated to listen” to hear or see signs of possible abuse. “You have to listen and let them talk and not talk over them.”
Another attendee mentioned a Catholic program titled “Protecting God’s Children,” that offers adults important information to prevent child abuse.
“[If] you want to know how to talk to kids and listen to kids and look for the signs, take the program,” he said. “The whole program is designed to help you seen the signs, to look for the warning signs and how to respond when you see them.”
One woman said she “was a victim of sexual abuse in childhood” starting at age 10. The woman said she was abused by her mother’s brother and her mother told a priest she would stop the abuse. Then she received “one of the worst beatings of my life” for reporting on her abuse.
“Because of what happened to me, I can recognize it in other people,” she said. “If you have reason to suspect anything going on…speak up, go to an authority, go to somebody. A lot of the time people are afraid to get involved, [thinking] ‘what if I’m wrong.’”
The woman said she ended up suicidal and eventually with epilepsy because of repeated abuse.
“All because of this abuse, because people thought they couldn’t [report it]… They kept looking the other way,” the woman said.
“People will listen. Back then they didn’t…you have to speak up,” she said, as parishioners applauded.
Bivona said that when he began providing services to sexual abuse victims in 1982, most people had no idea how widespread sexual abuse was in society.
“What do we do now?” said a parishioner toward the end of a long, emotional discussion.
Bivona said “we become the disciples…to tell our other friends who left the church…and go out and spread the word…”
“This disappointment has to be translated into action,” Bivona said.
Father Citero said every parishioner could “make a commitment” to taking taking the “Protecting God’s Children” program and help the church develop a long-range plan.
Citero concluded the forum, held inside the church, with a “prayer for healing victims of abuse.”
“We have to become a place that people identify as a source of protection for children,” Citero said. “I want to regain that trust in the parents and the children…I think there’s a lot we can do.”
Several times during the forum, attendees noted that most parishioners at the forum were “older” and that few younger members or families were present. One speaker urged that more efforts should be made to get younger Catholics at the next meeting on the issue.
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